Journal Entry : March 30, 2023

“ Sometimes you don’t realize how far you’ve come until you look behind you. And lately I’ve stopped to take a long look at the path I’ve walked. Well … maybe not walked … more like ran with a machete in hand. My path has not been clear nor smooth. It’s been a fight the whole way. Yet here I stand able to catch my breath. Wondering when I replaced my machete with a cup of tea. Wondering when the brush of the jungle turned into an open field. Wondering when the running for my life turned into an afternoon stroll. ”

This expert from my journal is a snapshot of me taking a moment to reflect on how far I’ve come. I used to be in a scary place. My life looked like fun and games on the outside, but behind closed doors it was pure suffering. I was battling addiction, depression, anxiety, abuse, and survival. This resulted in low self-esteem, low self-worth, lack of boundaries, lack of presence, and repeating painful cycles from the belief that there was no way out.

In October of 2019 I had my first moment of, “oh shit, I’m really in the jungle.” What does that mean? I was in the thick of it. You can visit my blog post about October here (caution, trigger warning). Three and a half years later, I’m here to let you know that whatever you are facing, you will make it out. NOTHING LASTS FOREVER. Often ‘making it out’ will not happen quickly … but if you are dedicated to changing your life it will happen eventually. Step by step, day by day.

Getting yourself out of a dark and uncomfortable place takes patience, compassion, acceptance, and a lot of forgiveness. You must be willing to forgive the people/places/things that harmed you - be willing to forgive yourself for not knowing any better - and be willing to forgive yourself for when you did know better yet still couldn’t make the change.

No matter where you currently walk on your journey, it’s important to take a moment to look back and appreciate how far you’ve come. Even if you are still making your way through shadows, take a look back just for a second. Do not take a look back to assess any trauma or judge yourself. Instead, take a look at what you’ve done positively for yourself. Look at your progress. What have you done to make yourself smile? What have you done to make yourself healthier? Stronger? What have you learned? Take note of it. And applaud yourself. Because taking positive action in a negative time is not easy. Being self aware is not easy.

Are you looking for positive actions to take but not sure where to start?

15 things that have helped me transform my life :

1. Boxing :

After years of dissociation, boxing brought me back to the present moment; brought me back to my body. It challenged me in ways I never knew was possible. It also gave me a chance to start releasing my anger and transmuting it to power. The strongest I have ever felt in my life is when I boxed every day. I started training in February of 2021, and it is something I will hold dear to my heart for the rest of my life.

Recommended boxing club : Click here.

2. Hot Yoga :

Hot yoga gave me the gift of detox and confidence. It’s just you, your body, and your breath. There’s no hiding when you enter a 100°F room and stand infront of a mirror. Not only is the room hot, you add the challenge of putting your body in unique postures and holds. You connect your breath to movement to overcome personal barriers both physically and mentally. This practice has been a saving grace for me in many ways. Even if you ditch the “hot” challenge, give yoga a try. It is highly beneficial for your health.

Recommended yoga studio : Click here.

Recommended breathwork practice : Click here.

3. Writing/Journaling :

Writing is one of my favorite things to do (obviously). This tool does not serve everyone, but it’s great to try. Writing gives you a chance to explore your inner world. How you’re feeling, what’s going on around you, what are your goals moving forward, etc. You can also write affirmations and things you are grateful for. There is no “right” way to journal. Just pick up a pen and go for it. You’ll be surprised what comes out.

My favorite journals (Peter Pauper Press) : Click here.

4. Mushrooms :

Phew! My first experience with mushrooms was trying to microdose and eating a whole eighth (3.5g instead). What a trip… literally. After my first experience in 2019, I was instantly intrigued with the power of magic mushrooms. I have a knack for exploring my inner world, so I took a few more trips without fully knowing what I was doing. I advise against this. Psilocybin is a powerful, powerful medicine. If you are looking to explore, you must have someone experienced help you integrate during and after your trips. Otherwise it may lead to confusion and disassociation. On that note … starting with microdoses is something I do highly recommend. I started microdosing (0.15g) at the beginning of 2022. It changed my world. It helped with my energy levels, my sense of calm, and the ability to create new habits/new neural pathways in my brain. Now before you run and find the closest mushrooms to you - do your research! Some great documentaries are : Fantastic Fungi, How To Change Your Mind, and Have a Good Trip : Adventures in Psychedelics (all on Netflix). It is important to know what you are taking and why you are taking it. Also - buy from a trusted source. Below I linked the instagram of my favorite brand, Cielo. Give them a DM!

Long story short - microdosing psilocybin is a powerful way to heal from trauma and other mental health impairments.

If you are looking for a full trip, I know a shaman who facilitates in-home ceremonies. I just recently took a 5g shaman-guided hero’s journey and it was astounding.

Honorable mention : Adaptogens! These are a game-changer. Adaptogens are herbs/roots/plants that help manage stress and restore balance in the body (like ashwagandha and ginseng).

Recommended microdoses : Click here.

Recommended herbal supplement store : Click here.

5. Therapy :

Yes, therapy! Break the stigma. Having someone to talk to is truly helpful. It is a professional third person point of view on your life. They are there to help you make sense out of your challenges, explore your inner voice, and heal your outlook about yourself and your life. No drama, no lies, no manipulation, no games - just a truthful person there to support you. I experimented with a therapist in high school around 2015 and hated it … I mean absolutely hated it. I tried again when the Covid pandemic started in 2020 … I still hated it. I was like, “Who is this stranger talking to me like a child? This is pointless.” It wasn’t until I gave therapy a third try at the end of 2022 that I found my match. I found a program called Didi Hirsch. Their intake program was a bit lengthy, but totally worth it, especially because they accepted my insurance. After my intake, I was matched with my therapist for in-person sessions every week. And wow, what a difference this made in my life. Therapy is valuable, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise … you just have to find your match.

Recommended Mental Health Service : Click here.

6. Music :

Music is key for me! I listen to music everyday. Listening to your favorite songs is a beautiful way to move energy around and shift your mood. I encourage you to explore different genres of music other than your usual taste. Sometimes we get so stuck listening to what we’re used to that we don’t realize it is actually effecting our mood in a negative way. Experiment with jazz music, lo-fi beats, frequency music, afrobeats, and songs with uplifting/encouraging lyrics. It is easy to get wrapped up in our favorite breakup songs, angry songs, etc … be careful. What you listen to and what you speak becomes your reality.

7. Dancing :

I need you to shake that booty! Men and women alike. Get up and move your hips around. Shake your body out - arms, legs, neck, everything. I don’t care if you feel like an absolute fool. Good! Who cares. You know the saying ‘dance like no one is watching’ ? … do that. Dancing is an immediate way to shift the frequency of your body and your surroundings. Let yourself have fun. Don’t stop dancing until there’s a smile on your face.

8. Stepping away from relations that left me in an energetic deficit :

Family, friends, lovers … they can all get the cut. Protecting your energy is crucial while transforming your life. Sometimes the people closest to us are holding us back from the growth we deserve. Do not hold on to people because you are trying to bring them with you or save them. You cannot save them; you can only save yourself. Do what is best for you at all times. Do you feel your energy get drained after talking to someone? Do you end up in a bad mood after seeing someone? Do you notice someone that is fake/deceitful/harmful? Listen to those inner nudges. That is your intuition telling you that there is more going on than what meets the surface. Now - this does not mean cut everyone off that makes you feel some type of way. Check yourself. Be real. Is it you? Is is them? Is it neither? There is no one to blame when a separation must take place. Remeber the one rule of life? Nothing remains the same. We are all walking our own paths. Be grateful for your experiences and move on in peace. Connected to everything; attached to nothing.

9. Plant-based diet :

Yes, I love vegan food. No, I’m not here to shame you. I just had steak and Chick-fil-A® the other week. Although, I have been on a vegan journey since 2016 and it’s changed my life. I was one of those people who used to laugh when someone told me not eating meat and dairy would fix my health (I’m Italian … come on now). Yet I was batting with such severe IBS that I gave it a shot. After a week of eating vegan, my symptoms reversed immediately. Eating plant-based is a whole article in itself … but it really does work. In short - eat more whole fruits and veggies, nuts/seeds/grains, healthy fats and oils. Try to find organic, seeded fruits/veggies. Avoid processed foods. Listen to your body. Eating plant-based is another powerful way to not only transform your life, but the world around you, too.

10. Drink a lot of water :

This sounds simple, but it is often the most overlooked step in making changes in our life. Water is fluid; it flows and flushes, nourishes and recharges. Try drinking a gallon of natural spring water a day and see how much better you feel! The multiple bathroom trips are worth it when you see your brain clarity increase, your skin clear up, your digestive system work smoothly, and your energy improve. I would also suggest doing your own research on water/fruit fasting. Fasting has a ton of benefits and is an incredible way to rid the body of toxins.

Recommended water fast : Click here.

Again - do your research first, there are many ways to fast!

11. Nature :

Mother Nature - my one true love. Where would I be without her on this journey? Definitely not here. Connecting with nature is a natural healer. The Earth transmutes all that no longer serves us. She takes what is heavy and stagnant and turns it into beauty. Go for a walk/hike without your phone. Intentionally be grateful for the sunshine and moonlight. Hug a tree. Say hi to the flowers. Pay attention to the animals that cross your path. These are free gifts; free blessings.

Check out my simple ways to connect with the elements here.

12. Social media detox :

Put the phone down. Please. I used to have a strong social media addiction. I still struggle with it! They have most of us hooked to an app that we can get lost in for hours. We scroll and scroll, never really learning or gaining anything. Just short bursts of laughter or intrigue that is usually quickly followed by judgement, comparison, and shame. Deactivating my social accounts was one of the healthiest things I have ever done for myself. You can try deleting the apps from your phone, or completely deactivate your account (so you don’t open up your laptop to get your fix). Social media is a real addiction. Challenge yourself. Try going a week, two weeks, maybe a month. Everyone seems to be running in this imaginary race to get somewhere … there’s nowhere to “get”. Get off the track. Take a break from the millions of voices at your finger tips .. your inner voice is key - uninfluenced & unobserved.

13. Sobriety :

I started drinking alcohol my freshman year of high school (2012). The way my body could hold liquor was terrifying. I was a champion binge drinker for years. Plenty of nights I would wake up with no memory of the night before when everyone around me thought I was completely fine. It wasn’t until the end of 2020 that I started to step away from hard liquor. I had a few slips, but my goal was to only drink wine and champagne. Stepping into 2023, I have not had a single sip of alcohol and I feel amazing. Let’s talk about Mary Jane, my other true love. Me and weed were in an exclusive relationship from 2016-2021. At one point I was smoking 6 blunts per day, sometimes more. Cannabis is another powerful medicine. I stand by her to this day. But - there is nothing wrong with taking a break. And - one must be mindful of their usage. Are you using it for the benefits? Or are you using it to numb the pain? Either way, there’s no judgement here. I would like to share my experience though : the clarity that comes from a sober mind cannot be found within substance usage.

14. Celibacy :

Protect your temple, folks. In this day and age, sex is as common as breathing. As a society we have had a sexual agenda pushed down our throats (no pun intended … but literally). There has been so much pressure placed upon us to be attractive and desirable to one another. With the heavy influence to be sexually free. Because what’s the harm in having some fun, right? Wrong. I can say this because I used to be quite promiscuous myself, and it was immensely damaging to my well-being. Now - I’m not saying avoid sexual connections. I’m saying : be mindful. Be mindful of who you decide is worthy of having access to your sacred being. A life-changing way to take your power back is taking an intentional break from sexual intimacy. All of a sudden you’ll find yourself more in control of your thoughts and emotions than ever before. You begin to realize what was never yours to carry to begin with. Soul ties are real.

15. Prayer :

I saved the best for last. Never underestimate the power of prayer. When I began dedicating time to talk to the Higher Power, it gave me sense of security that no worldly matter ever could. The Universe listens. God listens. Source listens. Open up and talk; ask for what you need, release your challenges, call in love, and most importantly show gratitude. It is a miracle to be alive. When you have no one to turn to, chances are you are being pushed to look within and create a deeper connection with the Divine. There is not a “right way” or “wrong way'“ to pray. Do what feels natural to you. Have faith your prayers are being listened to and answered.

All of these actions I took within the past few years to transform my life were actually seeds I planted as a child.

Taekwondo was my first sport, dance was my second, I was obsessed with reading books and writing, I loved nature, I loved animals, and I was naturally drawn to a healthy lifestyle … I say this to bring the message full circle : TAKE A LOOK BEHIND YOU. What has been your go-to source of happiness and vitality since a child? Your passions never leave you, they just tend to get hidden along the way. I encourage you to do some searching. Where were you a few years ago? Where are you now? Where do you want to go? What do you want to take with you? What do you want to leave behind?

Looking behind you is not always the easiest thing to do. So don’t stay for too long. Just take a peek. Honor how far you’ve come. Give thanks that you are here to see another day. I love you.

Remember that healing is a journey we all walk - consciously or unconsciously. Healing is not linear and it does not have to be because something ‘bad’ happened to you. Don’t ever let this life feel too heavy for too long … click here if you want a new perspective on your transformative journey.

I am clearly comfortable and familiar with shadow work. Not everyone resonates with this energy, and that’s okay! I appreciate you taking the time to be here. Please share if you know someone who would benefit from reading this.