Love Letter to My Past

Before we dive in, I have come to the understanding that social channels are now about showing yourself consistently to the world via digital documentation. Even with this current understanding, I cannot look away from writing. Writing is my absolute favorite way of expressing myself. It’s when I feel the most me. I write for joy, I write for comfort, I write with depth, I write naturally. So here we are! I invite you all to take this journey with me, especially the ones who like to read.  

My wish is for this letter to give you the courage to look at your own life experiences. My goal is for you to use me as a reflection; a reflection to see what’s happening within you. My expression is nothing but love and pure intention.

This is my essence.

A love letter to my past, written for the little girl who grew up too fast.

Dear Jessica,

No one told you it was going to be easy. But they never told you it was going to be like this. You had no idea what was in store for you … I applaud you. You are wild, you are free, you are always who you want to be. You walk to the beat of your own drum. You have a drive that’s unstoppable and a strength that’s unmatched. Yet you walk with such grace. You are caring and kind to every soul you meet. You have this deep desire to make the world a better place with your light. You are determined, disciplined, and dance without a doubt in the world. The passion you exude about the things you love ignite a spark within others that some haven’t felt in years. Every step you take, you walk with the land. Every breath you breathe, you glide on angel’s wings. A true Earth Angel you are.

Look at you so shiny and bright … it’s what everyone seems to see. But what about what’s underneath?

Underneath it all was the darkest pitfall. You grew up too fast trying to be like everyone else. You saw the light inside of them instead of yourself. The Light you did shine came naturally; so-ul divine. Yet down the way, you slowly began to hide your special treasure away. I don’t blame you. I know the Light you carry was to survive. God equipped you with the strongest weapon of them all; love. All you ever craved was peace and freedom - yet you were born into strife and war. This war lasted over many lifetimes and galaxies. Who knew it would get so deep? You wanted to express what you were going though desperately … you tried to open up to anyone who would listen because no one was there to say, “wait, that’s not ‘normal’ nor is it safe.” You were taught the ways of self harm and abuse. Many watched you walk the path of destruction with hopes of your demise. Many planted traps with attempts to derail you. Yet STILL you rise. You hold an eternal fire that is explosive. You can get through anything, and have fun along the way. But when you were running too fast towards a destination … you lost the way. Then one day you blinked and woke up with a story that most could not believe...

I am proud of you. For you are me and I am you. Together we are complete.

I write to you from present day with no delay. Because lately I cannot help but reach out to you. The time you lost to survival was a shame, but all we have is the present anyways. What has been done is over with now. We have been born anew. You made the choice to get us here. Without you I wouldn’t have a clue. You continue to be that guiding light in the darkest of nights. For the brighter the light shines, the deeper the shadow shows. I understand why you’ve been trying to hide, but we no longer have to feel ashamed. Ashamed of the friendships, partnerships, and opportunities lost because you were barley holding it together. Many days you showed up with a smile, just to go home and feel hollow. My sweet girl. You did the best you possibly could. No one was with you behind closed doors … you only had yourself. Even when you completely lost yourself … we found thyself. For thyself is now adoring the solitude and peace that has resulted from all that tried to be. Thyself resides in immense gratitude for all that is. The developed awareness is a gift from Heaven. You and me have reached unity. We now stand in purity, wholeness, and truth. Just know, I see you and I will never forget you. But you must let me lead the way now. Let me show you where you dropped your crown. It’s time to accept you’ve been found. There’s nowhere to run now. I love you.

Love always,

Tigress

Gallery dedicated to Jessica 2017-2021

Physical captures were my favorite form of expression before they turned it into a weapon.

JOURNAL QUOTES

January 17 ‘22

“I follow the tides as I embrace all corners of my mind. Up, down, side to side. I love it all. I love this ride.”

January 28 ‘22

“It’s a test to see no matter how dark it gets- can you be happy? Can you love? Can you love yourself more than yesterday? Can you put yourself first? How bad do you want this?”

February 16 ‘22

“I’m not perfect - but I’m not my mistakes. Yellow roses illuminate my shadow. In the depths of the belly of the beast - I see me. How did I get here? Living out of fear. I observe and release, knowing I’m beauty and the beast. Two makes one & that’s why I run. Together the power is immaculate, heaven sent. But the world doesn’t understand it yet so I’ve been hesitant. Action. Action. Action. They’re screaming for me to come on stage. My blood is rushing knowing I’m the one. So where do I go from here? I’ve been with the beasts, now it’s time for the beauty. That’s true to me. More than just flowers and fashion, but the beauty of passion. Making love with every second of life. Embracing peace and shielding strife. I hold my breath knowing I must carry my knife. Because in this world everyone is out for your life. I trust the process although it’s a lot to digest. I hope I’m doing this right, my heartbeat is the only thing that tells me I’m alive. That and the sway of the trees. I know they’re with me. Take me to a place where I can see. See more than what I’ve seen, I need to be more true to me. I’m ready to get swept away in play. Setting the rest ablaze.”

April 17 ‘22

”I said I’d go the distance for the life I deserve and I mean it.”

Lately my life has looked a lot like climbing mountains, having conversations with the ocean, being visited by magical creatures, healing karmic and generational timelines, and remembering who I am. For every day is a new discovery. It makes me cry how beautiful this life is. I have learned to love the journey and love myself to an extent that continuously magnifies.

April 13 ‘23

“No such thing as a trap

Bring your best up to bat 

Hit ‘em with a curveball 

Now they don’t know how to get involved 

Running upon ancient lands 

I stand where I stand 

I am that I am. 

Illusory boxes falling away 

Blessed be the new day 

Soul destined to run wild & free

That’s the Tigress within me 

Here to free the wild in you

Even when seen a fool

To my Destiny I’ve been true”

CHANNELED SONGS :